baebees:

I just shit  my pants and yours ;)

(via aidn)

I’m so glad I have friends I can drunkenly dance with to Beyoncé in my backyard you know?

Why do I ever drink anything other than wine like I don’t understand what’s the fucking point like

orbsteeb:

corporeality is a scam. text “GET ME OUTTA THIS THING” to 1-800-SHITBODY and “find the new you” as

  • spectral radience (orb only) on amateur romanian ghosthunter’s camcorder footage
  • repeating fragment of text (specify, keep it PG please) on eerie green computer display in abandoned russian nuclear silo
  • otherworldly energy blast from hero’s eyes, hands
  • just a normal, casual ghost. jeans, graphic tshirt. take it easy. 
  • screaming skull launched from villain’s screaming skull launcher (the launcher is screaming too)
  • crystals
  • an itching, jagged memory, buried too deep to be parsed consciously, bedeviling exlover unto death (specify which) 

(via notglynn)

(via recouped)

How to talk about a painting:

radianthour:

Point at a small area and say “here’s a great moment, very satisfying”

(via dorfs)

guinness world records man: sir you have done nothing but do pushups from this one spot for 20 years with no rest. what drives you?
me, still doing pushups: i wanna push this planet out of the idiot solar system and into the horrifying abyss of the unknown universe and this is the only way I know how
world records man, in awe: [drops everything and instantly begins doing pushups next to me]